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’ To describe her work, as runner to a virtually unemployable local artist, as precarious was a bit like saying that the Himalayas are somewhat hilly. I nodded, unwilling to open my mouth lest I burst into laughter. ‘In view of my exposure to the artistic world I have sought to develop my career in that sphere of endeavour and I was interviewed for a position I sought in a gallery. Dead posh it is.’ ‘How did the interview go?’ ‘Well, thank you. I confess it did expose some small gaps in my knowledge of, for example, the Pre-Raphaelites and other schools but, since the job is primarily making tea and cleaning up after the posh bastards have supped their bubbles and bought a few million quids’ worth of oil on canvas, such shortcomings did not seem too important.’ ‘When will you know?’ ‘Know what?’ ‘If your application was successful.’ ‘Oh, I already do, it was, subject to one requirement.’ ‘Which was?’ ‘Not to dress up – it makes the rest of the arty buggers uncomfortable. I decided,. My cock was largish – I'd measured it enough over the previous couple of years and then compared it 'cock size' numbers I'd found on the internet to know that. In fact it could more fairly be described as very big. So that was an asset but how do you translate that into sexual success if no one will talk to you?And after you've finished with outward appearance you get to the hard stuff. Why can't you talk to girls? Why do you get so nervous? How do you improve? Where do you learn about kissing?In the end we finally boiled it down to the following three categories (and subcategories) we'd have to concentrate on. Later we'd penciled in various suggestions on how to do it.A) Improve our appearance.1 Body – weightlift? muscles? posture2 Clothes – Ashley knows about clothes. will she help? cost?3 Hair -B) Communication skills – Learn to talk to girls. how?C) Sexual Techniques1 Learn to dance – hire a professional? from where? Natalie from strip club?2 Kissing – who could teach us?3.
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